By now, you've probably seen (on Facebook) the 'petitions' for a number of states (Texas included) requesting permission to secede from the United States. For the record, anyone can file a petition on the official White House site. You don't have to be of sound mind and body to do so.

So, in response to that ridiculousness, I have 10 petitions I'd like to propose to the U.S. government.

  • Let’s finally make Rice-a-Roni a nationwide treat.
  • Reveal the 5th dentist that doesn't agree with Trident.
  • Mandatory 4 day work week at regular work week pay.
  • Forbid soap operas from leaving viewers hanging on Friday. We shouldn't have to wait until Monday to find out who died or who is coming back as another character.
  • Body cavity searches on all politicians when they're sworn in...and it should be nationally televised.
  • Trix cereal shouldn’t be just for kids.
  • The McRib should be available year round at every McDonald's.
  • Happy Hour is all day, every day at every bar.
  • Make Marilyn Manson wear a v neck and baggy Levi's.
  • Raisin Bran should add 3 or 4 scoops as 2 just isn't enough.
  • Honorable Mention: Since prisoners lose their right to vote, give their vote to veterans. If prisoners lose their freedoms, then give them to those who have done more for our freedom than anyone else.

I'd like to thank my friends, like Cole, Christopher & Kevin, that helped me create this list on Facebook.

Finally, if you liked or shared one of those ridiculous petitions, then I expect you to do the same with this. If you don't, may Santa forget you for decades to come. If you ridiculed everyone who bought into that secession ignorance and hype, then I expect you to share this more than the people I previously mentioned.

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