Fun Things to Do With That Abilene Phone Book You’ll Never Use

It never fails, whether at home or work (or both), phone books mysteriously show up. One thing we know about phone books is that they must travel in packs, because I typically get 8-10 a year that I'll never, ever use.

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Thanks to the internet, we no longer have a need for phone books. Seriously, according to numerous reports, 97% of people use the internet to find contact info for local businesses. I'm still not sure why people insist on murdering trees just so millions of phone books can go unopened each year.

Heck, we don't even need fancy studies to know that no one uses these worthless pamphlets. Yes, pamphlets. Most smart people have realized it's a waste of money to use, or advertise within, that they're now no bigger than a pamphlet.

So these poor trees don't die in vain, I have come up with a list of ways you can use your phone book.

1. Roach Killer - these phone books are heavy enough to smash the biggest of roaches.
2. Booster Seat - whether you're at the dinner table or desk, if you can't quite reach where you're sitting...then sit on a couple of phone books to lift you up a few inches.
3. Kindling - tear out a few pages to use to help start the fire in your fireplace, grill, or campfire.
4. Bird Cage Liner - if you have a birdcage, you know how much those feathered friends poop. Line your cage with a page or two from the phone book so you're not stuck cleaning poo from the bottom of the cage. If you use pages with actual ads on them, you can turn it into a game and place bets on how long it will take your bird to poop a face in one of the ads.
5. Backstop for BB Practice - Instead of buying the padded targets to shoot at, just stack a few phone books then attach the target and you'll now have a backstop that'll catch your BBs and pellets.
6. Bathroom - We've all run out of toilet paper at the most inopportune time. When that happens, rip out a few pages from the phone book for that dire emergency.

If you've got a fun use for phone books, just leave a comment below and we'll add it to our list.

If you're tired of receiving Yellow Pages' phone books, you can opt out of receiving them here. That will only get you out of the Yellow Pages distribution. It won't help with the local scammers who continue to provide their own rendition of a phone book.