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12 Signs You’re High on ‘Bath Salts’

Zombies Take To The Streets In Celebration Of Zynga's Latest Mobile Game Zombie Swipeout
Michael Loccisano, Getty

The “Miami Face Eater” has raised new concerns about a problem that has gone relatively unnoticed in America, and the weird part is that it ISN’T face eating.

Apparently, a street drug called “bath salts,” a combination of three common chemicals, can create violent tendencies, overpowering delusions and hallucinations and even fatal results. (Word is the Miami “zombie” was high on the stuff at the time.) Here are some signs you may be under its influence.

1. You ask a date that you’d love to take her out for a bite to eat sometime and you were referring to eating her face.

2. Everyone you see has a roasted turkey for a head.

3. You consider “crack-cocaine” to be a light snack.

4. That guy who injects meth into his eyeballs said you should seek professional help.

5. You lobbied the FDA to include “feet” on the Food Pyramid.

6. Your favorite comedy movie is ‘Alive.’

7. You were kicked out of a Denny’s for making the other customers feel disgusted with what you were eating.

8. You greenlit ‘Battleship.’

9. You once had an intense and violent debate on the role of government mandated health care and whether the value of human life supersedes a capitalist’s right to prosper without fear of reprisal or bureaucratic intervention with a fire hydrant. Also, you think tiny people are living in your brain.

10. Some jerk tells you “Eat me” and you responded, “I couldn’t possibly. I had a big lunch at Subway.”

11. You ran Donald Trump’s campaign for the GOP nomination.

12. Your dealer works at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

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