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Useless and Biased Study Proves Nothing About Sex on the First Date [OPINION]

sex on the first date
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A new “science” study claims that sex on the first date may harm relationships, but when we asked it to elaborate, it backed away slowly while we stared at it. It was weird.

When we first read about this study, we’ll admit to being a little concerned. “Oh, huh,” we thought. “Maybe that’s why we can’t seem to keep a steady, we’re too easy.”

Then about 3/4 of the way through the article, we noticed two important things: The findings they are reporting on are incredibly small differences in levels of reported happiness (as in, 1/10th of a point difference, on a scale of 5 points) and perhaps most importantly: this study was conducted by the Brigham Young University (BYU) School of Family Life.

Mormons believe in abstinence, so it makes sense that they would publish a study that supported their beliefs. That’s cool! We don’t care if you believe that Rosie O’Donnell is the newest incarnation of Buddha, or that ‘The Golden Child’ was a documentary — we respect you!  Just don’t put it on a science blog without making that really clear — you wouldn’t go to PETA’s website for burger recipes, would you? No, you would not.

If you have had experience with sex on the first date, you know that there is a pretty wide spectrum of outcomes — sometimes you never speak again, and other times it’s the beginning of a long-term relationship. Guess what that outcome has literally nothing to do with? How long you wait to have sex with them. (Unless you are the kind of jerk who assigns value to people according to how long they manage to be withholding. If you are, I’m not even going to get angry at you, because you are just missing out on so much fun that it is too sad.)

Maybe we should just stop listening to scientists about love, altogether. Well, except zoologists, because we’re all animals — we’re just pretending not to be.

Next in Sex: Never, Ever Bang Your Unicorn

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