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11 Signs Your Ice Cream Man’s Business Is Going Down the Tubes

"High School Musical: Get in the Picture" Promotional Ice Cream Truck
Michael Buckner, Getty Images

Everyone knows that times are tough, but some are tougher for others.

Take, for instance, your local ice cream man who has become an American staple, especially during the hot summer months in suburban neighborhoods around the country. He’s miserable and he spends his day in a refrigerated van surrounded by tasty frozen treats!

That’s because not only has business been slow but it’s mostly because he doesn’t have enough frozen goodness to sell to the sweaty children in neighborhoods due to an ice cream treat shortage. Naturally, this hasn’t given ice cream vendors many reasons to be of “good humor” themselves. Here’s how you can tell your local ice cream man may soon be seeking out new employment:

1. The song he plays as the truck drives through the neighborhood has gone from ‘Pop Goes the Weasel’ to Billie Holiday’s ‘Gloomy Sunday.’

2. His special offer is if you ask for two Bomb Pops, he’ll tell you to “[Bleep] off, kid” for free.

3. He tells his customers he’s got something for you to eat and it has nothing to do with ice cream.

4. His ice cream truck has a bed and a toilet in it.

5. Ben and Jerry’s don’t make a crystal meth flavor.

6. He offers you a free popsicle if you buy a bag of his plasma.

7. When you tell him you don’t have any more money for more ice cream, he offers to fight you for a free one.

8. He’s only selling “ice cream” to junkies and suspicious looking guys in trenchcoats.

9. He’s posted a “For Sale” sign on the van, the refrigerator and his pants.

10. The only “ice cream” he’s selling is in large radioactive proof aluminum tubes to Iranians.

11. Every purchase requires a 20 percent gratuity.

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