10 Stupid Things to Do in Abilene to Get on Santa’s Naughty List
Christmas is around the corner. And, while thousands and thousands of people, young and old, are trying to be on their best behavior so they don't end up on Santa's naughty list, others are willing to take a chance. If you're one of those people and like living on the edge, here are 10 things to do in Abilene to get on Jolly Old Saint Nick's naughty list.
Stealing the Cows on the Winters Freeway
Right around South 14th and the Winters Freeway (Loop 322) you'll find a set of fake cows just chilling out. I've heard of one that was stolen before, which the city did get back eventually, or they got a new one. In any case, stealing one of these bad boys will surely get you right at the top of Santa's naughty list and probably inside a jail.
Announcements on the Walmart Intercom
Everybody knows that Walmart does not have enough check-out clerks. But, each of the check-out lanes has a microphone that anybody can walk up to and make funny announcements or even make strange noises. Funny as it may be, you'll get the ol' stink eye from Santa so don't do it.
Be a Porch Pirate
A porch pirate is someone who goes up to houses that are not theirs and jacks the packages that have been delivered. Doing this will not only land you on the naughty list but also in the slammer.
Ruin the Abilene Murals
Abilene is home to some really impressive murals, that many local artists have painted. Defacing any of these fine art pieces is not only a crappy thing to do, but you'll be right smack dab in the middle of Santa's naughty list radar.
Flipping the One-Way Signs in Downtown Abilene
Look, some people are confused enough about how the one-way streets run in downtown Abilene. Flipping these signs around would not only cause even more confusion, but you might mess up Santa's route and that will definitely get you on the naughty list. Besides, I think messing with street signs is a tad bit illegal.
Mess With the Pink Flamingo at T&P Depot
On the corner of North First and Cypress, you'll find a giant pink flamingo sculpture which, according to Rudy Fernandez, is a great place to take a selfie. The sculpture is there to commemorate the Children's Art and Literacy Festival. If you mess with this, you're messing with the kids. Santa is not down with this and will put you on the naughty list for at least a decade.
Put Soap in the Fountain at the Train Depot
In front of the Abilene Cultural Affairs Council offices on North First is a big fountain where many folks go to take pictures. This is one of Santa's favorite places to go chill at and take a little break from the hustle and bustle of delivering gifts. If you jack with the fountain, you're jacking with Santa's emotions. He'll probably not only put you on the naughty list, but he'll have his reindeer come trample all over your roof all night long.
Do Donuts in the Abilene Police Department's Parking Lot
Cops may like donuts, but they don't like people doing donuts in their cars, especially in their own parking lot. Doing this not only will land you on Santa's naughty list but also get you a ticket with a nice little fine.
Paint the Buffalo at Frontier Texas
In front of Frontier Texas stands a mighty buffalo for visitors to take selfies or just have a staring contest. In fact, it's been rumored that Santa has taken many pictures there with Mrs. Claus and a few special elves. Painting the buffalo with graffiti will royally tick Santa off. He'll send his elves in with a can of 'whoop butt' and then put you on the naughty list.
Bad Driving Habits
As has been documented many times, driving in Abilene can be a bad adventure. One thing that really gets under Santa's skin more than anything, is someone not using their turn signal. Who do you think helped me come up with the 5 stupid things Abilene drivers do? Yeah, he could just fly over Abilene but he really enjoys cruising up and down 1st street. So, don't be a bad driver or you'll end up on Santa's naughty list, and a jolly old elf telling you that you're number one.