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Girl Sings Worst Version of National Anthem Ever

Like most US sporting events, Saturday’s Major League Soccer match between FC Dallas and the Los Angeles Galaxy was preceded by the singing of the national anthem, but only one rendition was this bad.

As Olympian Carl Lewis can attest, singing the anthem is not easy; its words don’t exactly roll off the tongue. That doesn’t excuse the Saturday performance of parents-proclaimed, singer-songwriter Harper Gruzins, the 11-year-old Texan who subjected the FC Dallas crowd to the worst rendition of the national anthem since actress Roseanne Barr offended the entire nation before a baseball game in 1990.

Watch and listen to Harper Gruzins’ bad national anthem below. Let us know how long you last before stopping the video:

It may seem mean to pick on an 11-year old for absolutely destroying the national anthem — to the point of wishing that the British Empire had won the War of 1812 and run a bayonet through Francis Scott Key somewhere in downtown Baltimore — but we don’t blame her. We’re actually more upset at her parents and FC Dallas. How could they not know? It couldn’t have sounded better in rehearsal. This would have been a great time for ‘technical difficulties’ to intervene.

Really, if you can somehow make it through to the end of Harper Gruzins’ bad national anthem without wanting to neuter her parents like feral cats at the humane society, perhaps you need your hearing checked by a professional.

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