12 Crazy Excuses North Korea Has Lined Up to Explain Its Failed Missile Launch
North Korea’s latest flimsy attempt to become a superpower went down in flames. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. It went down in a flame and then, it crashed into the sea.
The nation claimed that it launched a long-range nuclear missile into space, but American intelligence reports found that it actually fell apart long before it had a chance to leave the Earth’s atmosphere and the remains fell into the ocean. The country’s attempts to deflect any sense of failure from tainting its “accomplishment” was just as shaky as the missile it apparently built out of Tinker Toys and chewed bubble gum.
Here are some reasons North Korea has at the ready in case you’re wondering what went wrong:
1. The instructions that came with the missile kit it bought from IKEA were hard to understand.
2. For some reason, it’s South Korea’s fault.
3. It didn’t fail. That was just a very successful attempt to launch the world’s first self-disassembling rocket.
4. Mission Control failed to notice the warning signs due to the fact that they were immersed in the deep story line of Mass Effect 3.
5. There wasn’t enough jet fuel to power it since former leader Kim Jong-Il passed away and the country no longer buys ultra-hold Aqua Net in bulk.
6. There weren’t enough people to throw the missile high enough.
7. The missile’s operators thought the whole experience was just a really intense game of Missile Command.
8. Once the missile was launched and reached its maximum height for 40,000 feet, no one had another quarter to continue.
9. The guy who built it also made brakes for Toyota, tires for Firestone and the lawn dart.
10. Scientists neglected to include an important element in missile design and construction: math.
11. The entire crew was distracted by its rude and amusing shape.
12. The whole thing was built by sweatshop workers in America who were paid 50 cents an hour.